Filling Your Emptiness
Foreword
Kate Ivey, MA, LPC, PMH-C, licensed professional counselor
I have the unique perspective of being a trauma therapist and also being James’ daughter-in-law. I must admit I knew very little about the severity of his childhood trauma until recently. Bits and pieces of his childhood have come out in stories at family dinners, and I once watched a video of him giving his testimony where he shared some details, but only after reading James’ book did the full gravity of his trauma leave me simultaneously in awe of his resilience and breathless from what he had to endure. In this book he gives a detailed description of what generational trauma looks like, and he shares his life-and-death battle to break free.
James describes a childhood that is infiltrated with complex trauma. Trauma is described as exposure to an event in which a person fears for their life or the life of another, believes they will be injured, or their bodily integrity will suffer (National Childhood Traumatic Stress Network). The result of this exposure is both an emotional and physical stress response that lasts even after the event has passed. Complex trauma occurs when exposures are repeated and pervasive. All trauma can impact brain, physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual development. However, complex trauma, especially in childhood, often reveals the worst outcomes for a person as they grow older. Without enough protective factors, a person who has experienced childhood and/or complex trauma suffers from exponentially more health problems, addictive and high-risk behaviors, attachment disruptions, and suicidal thoughts (among many other problems). If a person with childhood trauma grows up and suffers from these issues in adulthood and they marry and have children, they are almost destined to repeat the cycle. Almost.
Yet James’ story is one of hope, healing, and cycle breaking!
To put cycle breaking simply, a person needs to have enough resiliency factors to make a change. Some resiliency factors are internal (personality, work ethic, talents, strengths), and many are external (people, mentors, financial stability, community safety, opportunity, and access).
As I read his story from a trauma-informed lens, James’ persistent search for security and love ultimately leads him to finally recognize it when he meets Claudia, his wife. She is what we call a resiliency factor—someone that could see in James what he couldn’t see in himself. When James ultimately finds his true identity in Jesus’s abundant and steadfast love, he could finally know he wouldn’t be left alone in his pain or his healing.
In this book, James makes the case that Jesus was his ultimate resiliency factor. Through Jesus’s love that was made known to James first by Claudia, he was able to recognize Jesus’s orchestration of healing through people, opportunities, and a good old-fashioned growing desire in James for goodness. A desire for something better for his marriage, his children, his grandchildren—and a belief that he could actually change the generational cycles.
That is where I come in! I have been on the receiving end of James’ healing and witnessed firsthand how Jesus’ love has resulted in a family legacy that is no longer bound by trauma. James and Claudia have sons that are incredibly wonderful husbands and fathers. They have grandchildren that know abundant love, safety, security, and hope. And when I consider what James endured as a child, I cannot help but get the chills at the reality of this verse:
Glory to God, who is able to do far beyond all that we could ask or imagine by his power at work within us; glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus for all generations, forever and always. Amen! (Ephesians 3:20–21)
Mary Brewer, Director, New Beginnings Recovery Center
Though James Ivey has had a life full of hurt and trauma, he has turned his pain into gain. He is using the events from an abusive and overwhelming childhood to help heal others from their pain.
God has used James’ story to bring life to the hurting and down-trodden. He has a powerful message of hope and healing that anyone and everyone should know about. Whether you have had an abusive childhood or not, his story will help someone that you know.
Every American is affected by addiction. James has walked the walk and is now giving practical solutions to the hurting heart.
If you have a family member that is suffering from addiction, they need to read this book.
It is an honor to know James, and I encourage everyone to take to heart the practical solutions in this book.
Email: mary@nbr-services.comPhone: (720) 473-7106, (303) 830-2064
Fred Bapp, Counselor,
Breaking the Cycle of Addiction
In my view, the recovery-relapse cycle may be broken by acknowledging three realities:
1. I am running away from my problems and alcohol, drugs, or other addictive behaviors and providing a powerful hiding place from my pain while bringing about eventually a living death.
2. I am searching for meaning in my life.
3. I am attempting to connect with others socially to find acceptance—maybe even caring.
In all of the above, the recovering addict needs to find ways of dealing with triggers of relapse by embracing the need for relief and connection by communicating: I know I want to drink/use, but I will not give the thought what it is saying it wants. Instead, I will ask my addictive self, “What can I give you?” rather than relapsing.
Beautiful examples may be found in spiritual searches, alone or powerfully with others. AA and Celebrate Recovery come to mind quickly.
A higher power, for those of us who invite Jesus Christ into our lives, becomes a loved-filled reality. We no longer have to be held captive by the need to mood-alter. We have embraced our total selves through him, Jesus. We have an indwelling relationship available 24-7!
Praise me, praise you, praise God!
*****
Professional commentary was provided by Kate Ivey, licensed professional counselor, MA, LPC, PMH-C; Mary Brewer, director, New Beginnings Recovery Center; and Fred Bapp, licensed counselor.
Mary Brewer, directorNew Beginnings Recovery Center (NBRC)
An Addiction Treatment Model That Builds Foundations in BedrockTM
16 Years: Helping Thousands Stay Clean and Sober
A Comprehensive Recovery Program Healing Addiction, Improving Mental Health
A high honor for our treatment programs and services, NBRC has earned the Joint Commission’s Gold Seal of Approval accreditation/certification.
Everything we do in our treatment program is dedicated to giving our clients a new life by healing the mind, body, and spirit. We deliver a total quality care addiction treatment program utilizing an evidence-based curriculum, guiding our clients through every step in the recovery process. By providing a fully integrated addiction treatment regime, you can break the cycle of addiction and change your behavior.
NBRC services:
Residential Inpatient and Outpatient Recovery
Supplemental Care and Services
Clean & Sober Living Care Programs Substance Use Disorder
Co-Occurring Mental Illness
Opioid Treatment Drug Treatment Alcohol Treatment
We continually review, modify, and deploy state-of-the-science therapies to better support our clients.
www.newbeginningsrecoverydenver.com
Email: mary@nbr-services.com
Frederick Byron Bapp, licensed counselor
Fred attended Baylor University, where he graduated with a degree in social work. Fred received his master’s in social work from Florida State University and was a social worker for over fifty years, including three decades at Colorado West in the mountains of Eagle, Colorado.
Fred began working at New Beginnings Recovery Center, Littleton, Colorado, in 2014 as a group therapist. Fred continued to love counseling, sharing his faith and making new friends even up to his death. Fred was an avid marathon runner, completing over fifty full marathons in many US states.
Most important to Fred was his faith in Jesus Christ, with many of his writings reflecting his faith. He was deeply religious and an avid churchgoer. Fred was known for his puns and poetry. He has published three books, with the latest, Addictions, Love and Recovery.
I will greatly miss Fred. He will also be missed by countless coworkers, friends, and patients.