Filling Your Emptiness — Your New Life
People of My Cycle
Dysfunction: cycles of repeated failure.
Father
My father was a violent abusive alcoholic. He had at least two failed divorced marriages. He provided no support for my family. Becoming a public embarrassment and nuisance, he was sentenced in and out of numerous state hospitals for treatment of his alcoholism.
My childhood memories are of being awakened in the middle of nights by him violently beating my mother. I would sit up in my bed crying as my older brothers hid their heads under their pillows. I would beat my tiny fists into my pillow, wishing I could do something.
During one night’s beating, I actually yelled aloud, “Stop it!” He quickly came into our bedroom yelling and held a pistol to my head, shouting, “You want some of this?” Tears poured down my face. I was in a catatonic state and could not speak.
I can never in my life remember him telling me “I love you.”
I lived in continual fear. I swore I’d never be like him! I swore I’d never drink!
Mother
My mother had numerous failed divorced marriages. She left and divorced her first husband during his military boot camp and returned home pregnant with my half sister. My mother would have me and my two older brothers with my father.
My mother would provide the full family support because of my father’s drunkenness. She was always at work, busy, or tired. She often blamed us children for not helping to “stop my father’s beatings.” We were often alone, neglected, and “nothing but trouble.”
Paternal grandfather
My paternal grandfather, who died before my birth, I was told, was an alcoholic/drunk.
My grandfather, Earnest E. Kellum, whose mother died during his birth, and older brother Bob and sister Sarah/Ella were given to a Houston, Texas, orphanage. Earnest was adopted by a local farming family named Ivey. Bob and Ella were never adopted, but did visit Earnest as he grew up. Bob never married. Ella did and is now deceased. No more information is known about Ella or her family. I know nothing regarding my original Kellum family roots.
Paternal grandmother
My paternal grandmother, Viola, had numerous failed marriages/divorces.
Rumor has it she wouldn’t pay for Earnest’s grave/funeral because he was a drunk. She was always partial to my Uncle James, the oldest of her three sons, because my father, Thomas, and Uncle Ray were both drunks.
My father’s son from his first failed marriage, Rodney, was bedridden and speechless his entire twenty-one years and required constant care, which my father did not provide. My grandmother gave Rodney away for care to my Uncle James. She paid for a new house for them in a far distant part of the state as well. She would also later give away my other uncle’s two adopted Hispanic children.
Maternal grandmother
My maternal grandmother, Mae, had numerous failed marriage/divorces. She constantly criticized my mother. She was always partial to my half sister and openly detested my brothers and me.
Half sister
My half sister had numerous failed marriages and partners. Her first husband was with another woman while she delivered their only son in a military hospital.
We once allowed her and one partner to live with us “between rental moves” with broken promises of house care and the price of a rental moving truck due to her own “unexpected” rejected credit card.
Oldest brother
My oldest brother was the first to start college (with my mother’s help and loans). He flunked out the first year for partying too much. At his next college, he lived in a “party house” with four to six others and partied endlessly. Through this influence, I began my use of alcohol and drugs. I can still remember the very first drink I ever took as he handed a bottle of Rum over into the back seat to me. I sat there momentarily, hesitating and remembering my promise to never drink, but the fun and companionship was too much to resist.
Upon his eventual graduation, I secured grocery store jobs for him and several friends to move to Denver. They did not come, nor did he call to explain, leaving me quite embarrassed. The next time he called for jobs for five people, I refused to help until they actually arrived, though I did loan him a small amount of money for the move (which he took six years repaying). Without notice, three arrived.
A number of years later, he walked out on his wife and two small children to live with another woman. He later divorced and ceased all communication—at least with us.
I helped his former wife and children until I became aware they were both working together to use me and take advantage of my generosity.
To my knowledge, he has never met his two grandsons. He has never met any of my nine grandchildren or two of my sons.
Next older brother
My next older brother had numerous failed marriages/divorces and live-in mates. He did not finish high school. As a mechanic, he quit working when his auto repair shop was robbed late one night and all his tools were stolen. He filed for worker’s compensation for “supposed back injuries” but was rejected. He lived at home for free to care for my mother, supposedly, per my half sister, taking her money when desired.
As you can see from these examples of all the people of influence in my family, the many repeated failed lives over generations seemed to demonstrate reoccurring cycles.